


Who Are You, Really ?

by Clara_L



Category: Original Work
Genre: Brotherly Love, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Lost - Freeform, Love, Marriage, Multi, Romance, Sasha - Freeform, Sex, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Unrequited Love, Vincent - Freeform, confused, elly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-02 22:03:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8685091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clara_L/pseuds/Clara_L
Summary: Sasha kissed a boy once and she didn't like it.Wich was pretty confusing to her.Thank god she had her best friend by her side, she always did.and ten yearslater she's happy free and... gay!?But when vince tels her that he's getting married it hurts a little to mutch for it to be an inocent reaction.So is she really?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey people!!!  
> I'm starting this new story i'm sorry i left the other one behind.  
> I'll try to get back to it but the inspiration is running short so we'll see.  
> Anyway I hope you'll LOVE thatone as I really poured my heart and soul in to it!!!  
> Please tell me what you think about it when you're done reading!  
> I guess I just have to leave you to it.  
> Love you people.

I will always remember the first I ever kissed a boy, well, actually the only time a boy ever kissed me.  
My best friend and I were celebrating both of our birthdays at his house.  
Like for every single party V ever organised half of our school was invited. When midnight came they were all laughing and boozing in his living room.  
Leaving me in the garden V’s house and my shared at the time, with that one very special boy.

I can’t for the life of me remember his name, even so I can still perfectly picture the reflections of the disco ball that was sending rays of changing colors onto his shiny blond hair.  
But I can remember how jumpy I felt when he got closer to me and his sweaty hands grasped at my hips to try and keep me close. 

Yet what really makes this experience important is how freaking empty I felt when our mouth connected.  
Not in a creepy robot apocalypse kind of way, but more in a “ yeah... okay whatever” kind of way.  
It was like I could feel his lips on mine and I guess it felt...nice but not NIIIICE.  
Does that make any sense?  
It basically was nowhere near the fireworks I was expecting thanks to the thousands novels I had already read at the time.  
So yeah, you could say that I was little disappointed by the all romantic part of life at that point.  
And to be honest, I don’t recall what happened next, I probably sent the poor bastard home before finding Vincent and telling him everything that had just happened or something else along those lines. 

However none of it really matters anymore because everything has changed since then.  
It’s been almost fifteen years now and disco boy (as V likes to call him) will definitely not be the focus of this story so we can probably move along to more consequential components of my life. 

Okay so let’s take it from the top.

I grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere in the sweetest, cutest and most friendly house in the world.  
I lived with my mum in what looks in my memorise like a small piece of paradise.  
I know that most kids are persuaded that their moms are the best so I’m not gonna go overboard with how freaking perfect she was but still she was the best mum ever!  
You know the kind of person that was just born so full of love.  
I never saw her being mean to anybody ever, as a matter of fact it’s only thanks to her and her warm heart I met my best friend.  
I don’t remember that afternoon very well, you know being free and all, in spite of that I will never fully forget it.  
It was really hot outside so my mother had filed an old iron bathtub with “cold” water, and left me to play there while she went to pick some mint in the backyard to make some well due lemonade.  
But when she came back she wasn’t alone, a really tall dark eyed man with a strong jaw and an intimidating look on his face was following her one of his hands holding a small blond woman’s .  
I can vaguely remember the woman’s face.  
I know she was pretty but the only thing left in my mind from her sweet face is her striking green eyes.  
A little boy's figure detached itself from his her.  
he was looking at me with wide eyes just as green as his mother’s.  
And for a second there I can remember feeling embarrassed of being naked in front of this strangers but the feeling flew away quite fast from my toddler’s mind.  
Leaving me soon laughing and jumping around in my small recycled pool.  
The boy was so shy which is pretty funny now that I know Vince… And that’s how the both of us met.  
Thanks to my mom and her kind invite of the new neighbours for a lemonade on especially warm heat-wave.  
In fact V truly enjoys reminding me that i was naked and chubby when we first met.

From that day on we were inseparable through every trials, tragedies and tests life throw at us.  
I was there for him when two years later his mum gave birth to his sister before passing away.  
When his dad gave up on both him and Ellie, I didn’t.  
And thank god neither did my mother. I was also there to hold him during the restless night when he couldn’t sleep.  
Because with sleep came the nightmares where he pictured things seen he’d seen at home. So when in the middle of the night I heard a weak knock on my windows I always knew who it was.  
I was also there when eleven years old Vincent came to me whining about his crush on Mady Hawkinson, the prettiest and bitchiest girl I had ever met or when terrified, baffled and kind of proud fourteen years old Vince came to me panicked after losing his virginity to Susan Hawkinson his girlfriend’s mother!  
Then he was here for me when “disco boy “ kissed me.  
Actually he was there during the all process of understanding my sexuality.  
He was there when a year and a half later, I kissed a girl for the first damn time.  
And he was right by my side when I entered the gymnasium on prom night in a suit holding by the hand my first girlfriend Sofia.  
And were both definitely there when we fought the following morning after he slept with the same girlfriend.  
Either way no matter how many times one of us slept with the other one’s girl, none of them ever really got between us.  
And once again when the fire took all my awning, my house, all the memories of my childhood and my mommy on sleeping pills. Vincent was there with me at the funeral when my sobs shook my body so hard I couldn’t stand on my own.  
And the months after that, when I woke up screaming out of nightmares where I could see her, unconscious on her bed lying there peacefully.  
As the flames kissed her skin darkening it with every lick.  
Sometimes, I would just be sitting on her old rocking chair unable to act on the scene taking place in front of me, mute and paralyzed.  
But some nights, the worst ones, I would throw myself on the bed next to her sleeping form. Shaking her shoulders desperately trying to wake her up.  
Even if with time, I understood that every call, every shake, every prayer only sped up the process of her skin rotring under my finger as my tears left wet trails down her calm face that wouldn’t burn. It never did.  
Her face would stay untouched until Vincent shooked me softly out of my own personal hell.  
His calm face, reassuring words and caring embrace may just be the only reason I'm still here, the only reason I could move past this fire that destroyed everything I loved, everything that made of me what I am. 

Life has been pretty hard for the both of us but again, it is for everyone.  
We can only be happy when we weren’t alone to go through it.  
And alone that’s something I never were. V would never let that happened.  
That’s why now, ten years later, we still live right across each other it might not be in our old houses back home like we dreamed it would be when we were kids but I love my apartment and my life now.  
I still missed my mom but I will never miss home again because Vincent is and will always be the only home I’ll ever need.


	2. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes chapter 1!!!  
> A full week later, I'm hoping I'll be able to post a chapter every week from now on.  
> So hopefully I'll be seing you guys next monday !  
> As always if you feel like leaving a kudo or a comment please feel free and enjoy this chapter   
> love you all Clara

CHAPTER 1

I always loved Friday nights and the feeling of freedom that came with it.

However those nights never meant anything without a good group of friends.  
That group, our group evolved with time, it use to be composed of me, Vincent, Vincent’s girl (changing from a night to the other). Sky, one of Vincent’s friends back in high school who spent his time trying to make us read the last book that he, I quote “literally fell in love with”.  
He was tall, kind of dorky and ended up marrying our senior year hot math’s teacher.

Robin and his girlfriend Sonia often joined in our crazy nights in the silent sleeping  
Countryside town we were all from. He was the funniest person I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet contrast with Sonia; she was the most boring one ever. We never understood there couple and I’ve no idea where they are now. Still I really hope for the poor Robin to meet someone that won’t bore him to death.

There were a few other people that liked to hang out with us, like Trish the crazy girl that had The creepiest crush on V since kindergarten, the twins, Liam and Missy who were super attractive sons of bitch, Joe, Willa and then some.

Only that was years ago and now the group had become a heck of a lot smaller decreasing to only me, Vincent, his occasional conquests, that we try not to get to attached to as he still isn’t a one woman's man. Elly, Vince’s not so little sister joined us after she moved to the big city. She’s twenty four now, which doesn’t mean her brother treats her like an adult. She’ll never freaking grow up to him.

She didn't when at thirteen she had her first period and he had to start buying pads for her. Or when she started dating Jim, the pastor’s adopted son (that he surprisingly didn’t punch in the face when he saw him kissing his sister at the school gate.)  
Or even when she help him, took care of him through his break up with Emma, one of his  
toughest heartbreaks.

Anyway to V, Elly will never be a grown up no matter what she does.  
He still is extremely protective of her.  
It took an insane amount of time for him to get use to Jeffrey, her current boyfriend. Jeffrey, he’s the coolest, I really do adore him and he’s great with Elly. They met on campus. Actually, they met on there way out of the headmaster’s office after they both just dropped out law school. He offered her an ice cream to try to calm her shudders down. That’s actually how there first “date” went just her frantically repeating that her brother would murder her if he ever heard she had dropt out (which he did). Despite, that Jeffrey asked her out a on real date all the same.  
A first real date that would count as the second one in the official story of the couple, so that we wouldn't be able to slut shame her after she put out.

And for the last few weeks Mary had been joining in on the party.  
We’ve been dating for a few weeks now.  
She’s the hottest, with those gorgeous hazel eyes, cute pouty lips, long black hair and a  
body you could only want to get under.

As I entered the bar those were the people I knew were joining me.

So I ordered a beer before sitting at our usual table.  
Finally relaxing after the tiring week I just had, when the short brunette with a cute beauty mark next to her right eyes came up to me.  
“Hello gorgeous” I smiled up at her.  
“Steel not sleeping with you Sasha”  
Elly answer to my light flirtation with a wink and before I could answer her with a “Can’t  
blame a girl for trying”, she kept on going:  
“Not when my boyfriend is around”  
We both laughed as we hugged, she felt so familiar in my arms.

Elly always had been smaller than me. In fact Elly had always been smaller than everybody, but the that’s not exactly what made it so familiar, it was that along with her sweet strawberry smelling perfume and the way her curly tied up in a bun hair felt against my cheeks as she crushed me harder against her.  
All that combined with thousands of memory of us hugging the exact same way.  
She was the closest thing I would ever have of a sister and I would always cherish that.

“What’s so funny girls?”  
Jeffrey’s voice asked us when we finally separated.  
“Nothing!” We answered at the same time almost comically making the tall metis chuckle .

The bar was getting more and more crowded, when simultaneously, a small hand grabbed  
my ass and a playful laugh resonated in my ears.  
Against my brains orders a smile sprayed on my face at the sound of Mary's almost juvenile laughter .

“Private property, you’ll need a warrant to get to keep your hand over there”,  
I sassed at the instant our eyes met:  
“And I’ll get one first thing in the morning mam”.  
She looked down at the ground acting shy: “ But you see, I had heard that it was open bar for your girlfriends all over the world tonight”.  
A giggle escaped my lips as I bent down to kiss hers.  
“Only the hot ones gorgeous”, It was her time to giggle.  
All my senses were captivated by the glorious brunette from the touch of her long finger in my hair to the taste of her chap stick steel on my lips (cherry?).  
Which led to me not registering when Elly moved behind me, pushing Mary out of the way, hanging herself to my neck and making kissy kissy faces whilst almost yelling,  
“Hot? Well I guess that’d be me”  
Damn this kid is insane

“Damn kid you’re insane”  
V’s deep voice chuckled.  
I remove the needy arms strangling me and jump at him joking, “Oh come on don't be  
jealous, you know you’ll always be my sugar daddy”  
“Oh I know baby butt”  
We share a laugh and tighten our arms around each other before I let go, to look at the  
unrealistically attractive woman that was awkwardly staring at our display of affections.  
Her supple curves were covered by a thin knee long white dress that complimented nicely her tan skin.  
She has to be the waitress from the coffee he told me about a few weeks. I think to myself when my eyes land on the blue butterfly tattoo layed on her wrist just like he had described it. My gaze traveled too her face taking in her chocolate eyes and and her old rose colored lips pinched in a straight line. She looked uncomfortable, almost angry.  
Vincent seemed to notice her expression the same time I did, “Baby, that’s Sasha...my best friend, and Sasha that’s Isabella”

She didn’t seem convinced by his explanation so I felt like I had to step out taking her in a warm embrace.  
Trying the best I could to seem friendly, welcoming and to avoid certain doubt she could  
have about our relationship.  
Despite my efforts, she still frowned at her boyfriend when I let go of her,  
“But hey, you have no reason to stress about me I’m Gay, like really really gay, so gay that there are more chances for the both of us to get it on than for Vinsa to ever happen”  
V failed at holding back a chuckle at the reminder of a time when his little sister had tried every single ship name she could fine for the both of us.

Vincent was in the old sofa in my living room, trying desperately to learn how to play “my girl” on my moma’s guitare. I had my feet on his knees while I tried to sing along with him to the clumsy melody getting out of the instrument.  
Elly ran towards us in shorts and long blue and white striped socks she couldn't be more the eleven.  
She was the cutest at least, until she started to chant a long list of “ship” names for me and Vincent.  
I remember laughing at the little girl and then at both, her and her brother, when he stood and started chasing after her.

Vincent pulled me out of my flashbacks, “Yeah and if there is any chance of that happening, it’d be so nice to warn me in advance. Cause I‘m so not relieving my college years”  
The girl’s expression express complete and utter confusion while mine probably shows the weirdest mix in between guilt and pride at the memory of our sleeping around (mainly with the girls the other one liked) back in college.  
“I’ll try and control myself” she assured with a smile.  
Her smile lighting up her features, and she was really damn cute.  
Vincent always had hot girl falling all over him and he never really said no to a good time, so I was used to attractive girls being into him but this one seemed to have something more about her.  
“We should have known it had to be a girl taking you away from us like that “  
Elly interrupts us kissing her brother on the cheek.

A few hours, beer and tequila shots later, the general mood is way better.  
V’s feet are on the table his right arm is around Isa and his left one is wrapped around my shoulders. As we tell everybody about that one time when we were drunk and broke into the  
headmaster's office, so Vince could pee on his desk after his less than respectful speech on his new rules for the feminine school uniform.

Vincent finishes his story with him having to bake a cake as an apology for peeing on the  
desk of a poor lady of the administration who had obviously nothing to do with mister  
Duncan’s sexism.  
We all laugh at his embarrassed expression and his complains about his baking skills.

I haven’t felt this happy in so freaking long surrounded by people I love and others I could learn to love.

I look up Vince.  
He’s currently debating with Elly and Isa on the best kind of cake to offer as an apology.  
It feels so good seeing both siblings smiling like this.  
They both looked truly happy.  
Seeing Vincent with a girl that seemed to love him even if I know it won’t last is still a great view.   
A Warm, safe and soft feeling blooms in my chest.

Then out of nowhere V stands up a bottle of champagne in one hand and Isabella in the  
other.  
I’m too drunk to really understand what’s going on, I feel like my brain is slowing down with every second that passes.  
“People! Isabella and I have an announcement to make...”  
What the fuck...?  
“We”  
wait...  
“Are”  
dont...  
“Getting”  
no,no,no..  
“Married !”  
And with that sentence he changed everything.  
It all happens in a blur, they all stand up to congratulate the couple whilst all new kind of pain is just born in my chest.  
It keeps me in my sit, alone my legs refusing to answer .  
But I can tell that even if it/they did answer, I still couldn’t stand up being to busy trying to control the sobs that want to escape my suddenly dry throat and hiding the tears forming in my eyes.

Married ? Vincent ? How? Why ? He couldn’t do that, could he ?

Elly hugs her brother and I still can’t move convicted to watch Isa smile at her fiancé lovingly and him staring back at her like a blind man seeing the sun for the first damn time.  
What is happening to me? Shouldn’t I be happy ?   
He’s the person I love the most in the world.  
He’s finally happy shouldn’t I feel thrilled for him ?

And still I can’t stand motionless just feeling the stab of pain in my swollen heart.

I feel so of tracks, thousands thoughts cross my alcohol blurred mind but I can’t think  
straight.  
I just don’t get it what’s going on?

“You’re good S?”  
My eyes are glued to his.  
For a second I’m lost in the bottomless green of his orbs and even there I can’t find the  
answer to my questions.  
Why does it hurt ?  
Why does it feel like someone just swept the floor from under my feet abandoning me to fall with no hope of ever being catched.  
And seriously why does it hurt ?

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine just taking in the news I guess. But that’s awesome dude...”  
“Dude ? Really ?! What you don’t like her or something?”  
Do I? Do I not like he ? I mean she’s funny, sweet and hot why wouldn’t I be happy for them ? Reasons be damn it’s getting clearer and clearer that I don’t.  
Even if the reason why is still a mystery to me.

“What ? No she’s great V and you look super happy “  
“C'mon you never say Dude unless you’re lying... or more like acting...”  
Jesus Christ ! How could he know me so well ?  
But of course he reads right through me and my lies.  
He knows exactly what I look and sound like when I lie thanks to all the times I had to do it to cover up for he’s shit.  
Now I guess I just have to step up my game.

“No I’m really happy for the both of you, I’m just a little shocked.”  
I go to hug him hoping it would put an end to the debate.  
I bury myself in the crook of his neck trying to hide the tears escaping my eyes.

Dammit why is this so hard for me ?  
I saw him with so many girls through time...  
But he never wanted to MARRY any of them!  
No matter how good at giving him head they were I was still more important to him, he  
always loved me more.

“You sure you’re okay?”  
He asked as we break apart and he can see my watering eyes.  
“Just real emotional, I love you... you know...”  
“Hey I love you too and don’t worry you’ll always be my girl”  
He grinned before kissing my forehead and going back to his future wife.  
God I really love that boy...  
Wait could that be it ?  
Could I really love him?  
As in me being in love with Vincent?  
No, no ,no, no!

He turns towards me with his arm around Isabella when his as green as ever eyes locked  
with mine as he winks at me.  
A whimper escapes my lips at the realization hit me, I’m fucked... and in love with my soon to be married best friend.  
Who not that it will ever matter as he won’t ever see me as anything hell than his favorite partner in crime like his sister or something also think I’m strictly into girls...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah!!!  
> that's what I'm leaving you with!  
> Did you like it?  
> Should I keep on going?  
> Anyway have fun with the rest of your day !

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is !  
> Anny thaught ???  
> Please share with me I'd really love to read your comments.  
> I also would like everybody to know that in this fic i'm not condamning or diminish any sexual orientation, gender or beliefs.  
> I am just trying to show how flustrating and confusion life is.  
> My characters may go through some existential crisis or have some strong opinions it does not mean i share those opinions or anything.  
> I'm just another lost girl trying to find herself and so is Shasha.


End file.
